There are few events in life that shake a person to the core the way that grief does.   I'm no stranger to it as I'm sure most are not as well.  There is something about that extraordinary emotion, even when its expected, you can't explain it nor can you shrug it off.  My experiences with it will not be the same as anyone at all.  Ever.  Since our Heavenly Father has seen fit to make us all different, we all respond differently.  Sometimes I wish someone felt the same way, with the same experience, with the same upbringing…maybe then I could make sense of things.  But I don't think sense can be made.   I know I am safe in the arms of my Lord because its the only haven I have when I feel so deeply, so strongly.  The pain is fierce.  It's severe.  Sometimes I wish that God would give us just one day, or better yet, one day a year, to sit and visit with those we've lost.  To make it less final.  To catch up.   To cry harder, longer.  So much has yet to be said.  So much has yet to be shared.  There are moments I want to eavesdrop on grief and ask, "what were you thinking?!"  Yet, I know He has a plan.  I know I'll never understand it, but I know it.  I have to live it to grasp it.  Sadly.  With the ache in my heart, in my throat.  My brain has yet to get it.  It still goes back to picking up the phone, to the thought of "I have to tell…,"  and then, feeling the loss.  I have a tendency to tell God in those moments all the things I would tell her.  Asking him, pleading with him, to tell her, so I know she knows.  Almost hearing the words that she would say back to me, conversing.  It's comforting.  My heart longs to have just a second, a mere second, its all I ask.  To feel that life again, without the pain, the hurt.  Yet I sit, grateful, that I had the time, sounds so cliche, to love, to feel, to adore someone so deeply that the pain sears through my being when they're gone.   I do thank Him, excited that one day we will truly meet again, and embrace, and love.  But for now, today….I sit.